Hi Crystal Clear,
I’m currently in a two year relationship. At first everything was amazing, the sex was great and still is, he provides me with financial and emotional support, we are best friends and lovers.
However, for the past six months I have been having this gut feeling that my partner was not being faithful, so I finally decided to act on it and searched his phone one night whilst he was asleep, I was not prepared for what I read, it was so disturbing.
There were nudes that other women have been sending to him, he also sent messages to them expressing his desire to have oral sex with them, and how much he couldn’t wait to have them.
I wanted more information before I confronted him, and I finally did. To my dismay his “piss poor” excuse was, the women didn’t even live local so I shouldn’t worry. He loves looking at porn and these women sent him videos and pictures, but it doesn’t mean a thing.
About two months later, it bothered me and festered like a sore, I kept thinking there must be more to this. I decided to buy a GPS tracker, and I planted it in his car. One night he rang saying he was working late, I said ok see you later. The app for the GPS went off, so I checked his location and he wasn’t at work as he previously stated. I jumped in the car and drove to the address and knocked on the door.
My blood was boiling and it took every ounce of strength in me not to lose my cool. A woman answered the door and came out, and I heard his voice inside, so I pushed past her and went into the house to confront him. His face hit the floor when he saw me so I asked the woman who are you? She said she was his girlfriend, I said cool, that makes two of us.
Then I left, he came running behind me saying that I had the wrong idea and the girl meant nothing to him and that he needed a chance to explain. I was too numb in the moment and was trying really hard not to punch him in the face.
I drove home, packed his things and asked him to collect his stuff. He didn’t come for two days then he turned up asking me to forgive him as his life is nothing without me. I feel so stuck, I love him unconditionally, however, my gut is telling me run as far as I can from him. “Once a cheat, always a cheat. I’m so confused. Please help me Crystal.
Affairs of the heart
Dear Affairs of the heart,
Thank you for reaching out to me. Clearly, you are at a crossroad about not knowing what to do, and I empathize with you.
While it is hard to give sound advice without fully understanding the entire situation, there’s no simple answer to this, otherwise, you wouldn’t have asked for help and that is ok. I do believe that deep down, only you know what is right for you.
Being cheated on sucks big time! No one ever wants to know that their other half is being unfaithful to them. Regardless of what has happened, keep in mind, it isn’t your fault. People do hurtful things for many different reasons, and maybe they themselves need to sort their issues out.
You, on the other hand must not blame yourself. Of course during this time you will naturally have highs and lows. The healing process will take some time, at this point, you must remember to focus on yourself.
Please understand that I will never use this platform to explicitly force my thoughts or opinions on you. Let’s try to put a few things into perspective, I want you to put together a list of the pros versus the cons of being in this relationship. If the cons outweigh the pros then what do you think would be the next best thing to do? Also, ask yourself the following questions:
What are your values?
Do you respect yourself?
Does he respect you?
Do you feel like your partner values you and shares your values?
How would staying in this relationship benefit you?
Did he seem remorseful?
Do you think that he would be willing to change?
Can you forgive him and move on?
Do you think that you can trust him?
Can you imagine yourself without this person?
What are some things that you will be willing to do to move forward?
Is he showing signs of wanting to change?
These are some questions you may consider to aid you in your decision making. Counseling is always a good idea, if you need it, maybe you should get it. I want you to think about it, and if both of you are willing, it doesn’t hurt to try. I wish you all the best. Remember, self worth is defined as the sense of one’s own value as a person.
“Know your worth. Know the difference between what you are getting and what you deserve.”
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