Am a young woman who has been dating a public figure for a while now. It started when a mutual friend introduced us. We started a friendship that evolved into a sexual relationship to the point where he helped me find the job am in now. We have even attended a few public events together where he introduced me to some of his friends, needless to say, he is a married man with children. I am not proud of my actions at the moment as a woman. I feel guilty because at the end of the day, he’s going home to his wife, I know he is never leaving her, and am at that point in my life where I need more from a relationship.
I don’t want to borrow nobody’s man, I want my own man. I do love him, he has done a lot for me and my family unknowingly, if they were to ever find out, I don’t know what I would do. Lately, we have been sneaking around a lot more than usual.
He seems to be more obsessed and the sex is great no lie, but I wonder if this is due to the unhappiness in his marriage.
I need to get out, am not sure how, I feel a great sense of obligation to him. I am in my early thirties, I’ve reached some level of comfort in my life now because of the way he spoils me, but I have to be honest with myself, time is fleeting and I am not getting any younger. Please advise.
Dear Unpublicized Affair,
I would like to applaud you for your transparency, it takes a lot of guts to acknowledge your actions and try to correct them. You have clearly taken the first step in the right direction which is being real with yourself. Is he really going to leave his wife for you? You and I both know he’s not going to do that. The reality of this is, he is dishonest to his wife, you should consider the possibility that he is not being honest with you too. I am certain that deep within, you know exactly what is required of you. Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is looking. I’m an advocate of self empowerment, your primary focus should be on yourself, not a married man. I would like to challenge you, to take a step back, create a vision board of your goals and where you want to be in the future. Never rely on someone to take you where you need or want to go, you are grateful to him for laying a foundation, there is nothing wrong with being grateful for what he has done in the past, but it is now time for you to grow. I promise you by putting yourself first, you would find the strength to end this affair. You mentioned that if your family, and I suppose some of your friends, would be disappointed if they ever found out. But you must have someone that you can confide in. If you’re not comfortable in doing so, I urge you to record your feelings in a journal; this is a form of release which is therapeutic. You must keep in mind, this will not happen overnight, it’s like removing a band aid, painful at first, but eventually, the pain subsides. You have to mentally prepare yourself because he may come around, toy with your emotions, give you gifts to “suck” you right back in but, you must stand your ground. Remember, self love is NOT selfish.
***For advice from Crystal, email your submissions to [email protected]
Your confidentiality is my priority***