He Won’t Lift a Finger

Now my problem with my bf is not cheating, it’s the chores!!!! I love seeing a decent home and my so called bf with whom I’ve been living together for almost 4 years doesn’t lift a finger to clean. He helped scrubbed the bathroom twice(there’s two bathrooms), never cleaned the toilet, he’ll sometimes make breakfast.

If he has a day off book it sure that I’m coming home to meet the wares in the sink and no food. He says a woman’s duty is to take care of the house, that’s the biblical days.

I’m a student nurse and no matter how tired I am I’ll come home and tidy the house, wash, cook and prepare for the next day.

I’m not even interested in sex no more, I’m always tired and I’m beginning to have a little hatred for my bf simply because he’s not helping me do anything. I believe he’s trying to live like a king as his father. His mother doesn’t work so she can afford to treat him like a king.

When I try to get in bed by 10 at least I’m called bad minded and so forth. I try to wake by at least 5 on mornings so i can cook lunch and make breakfast while he sleeps like a king. If at least my bf put things where he meets it the situation won’t be that bad.

Last but not least the porch that appears to be a junk yard, a very unsightly look. I’m FED up of my bf and I am going to build my own house. I don’t want to move on I just want him to be a decent young man. I wish he’ll start getting allergies so bad that he’ll understand my pain.

I’m not a dull student but my academic grades are affected(I have little time for myself), my relationship with my kids are also affected(they aren’t with me majority of the time because he don’t help). Furthering my career with my bf is impossible!!!!

Dear He won’t lift a finger, I am a strong believer that good communication fosters good relationships.

Have you engaged him in a discussion about your feelings towards his actions or lack thereof regarding sharing his responsibilities in the household chores? If not, I strongly suggest you do.

You can start by telling him this is not what you had envisioned for the relationship. Transparency will help both of you to figure out a way to work together.

Believe it or not, men simply do not think of all the things a woman may think about. Sometimes we need to give them a nudge, women tend to look at the big picture as we are nurturers by nature. We prepare, we think of what, when, where and how things needs to be done.

Whereas, men overlook a lot of things like simply scheduling a doctor’s appointment, taking out the garbage, taking their medication, or cleaning the bathroom, they sometimes they need to be reminded. Also it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it, don’t speak down to him as if he’s a child or give him orders.

You can explain, aremind and describe to him the importance of doing the task at hand and how it impacts the relationship and the family on a whole, as the old folks says; “one hand cyah clap.” You also mentioned, ” I believe he’s trying to live like a king as his father…

” I am going to say this with no intention to hurt your feelings, but it seems like he has been living like his father for the past four years. The thing is, women have gotten so used to taking the initiative, that in turn we enable our partners to not take the initiative.

Now, when you want them to help you, they sometimes have no idea where to begin and top it all off, you haven’t said anything, you’re probably doing the task and grumbling to yourself and not speaking up, so he has no idea that you’re overwhelmed with everything.

I would recommend that you first sit down and talk about it with respect of course, if need be, create a list of the top three issues that you are having (prioritize the top three), this will point him in the right direction, give him POSITIVE AFFIRMATION (stroke his ego).

Please give him time to improve as these changes will not happen overnight. Remember, COMMUNICATION, CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK, POSITIVE AFFIMATION and last but not least, PATIENCE. If after all of this, let’s say six months down the line, there isn’t some form of improvement, you can always re-evaluate the situation and take the necessary steps that will be in your best interest.

Best of luck to you. Sincerely, Crystal Clear

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